The Questions to Ask: Are You Caught in a Cult? Part 3
If you or someone you know feels like they may be in an unhealthy controlling environment, here are some questions to ask with the purpose of gaining clarity.
Does loyalty to that group override my own moral compass causing me to believe things that no longer align with truth?
Is anyone getting hurt by the organization through harsh words or actions?
Am I seeing hypocrisy?
For example: the leaders may deliver a good message but they don’t live by it. This could involve fasting or a diet they promote, but yet they eat the forbidden foods privately. They ban certain movies or programs yet they indulge. If they get caught, they convince people they were watching for “research purposes”. They require financial sacrifice from the group but either hoard money or spend as they please. They excuse foul behavior from their own family members but punish others harshly.
Has information been altered? False news about other people, instances, world events?
Fake reports of “miracles”?
Are they adjusting truth to achieve their own goals?
Are they conducting fraud to fix outcomes?
“God wanted me to have this money.”
Have they twisted facts to accommodate the story they want you to believe?
Do they require others to abstain from things like food, drink, sex, but they themselves do not?
Are they taking unfair advantage of others for personal gain? (Whether it be people or systems)
Asking ourselves these hard questions can be difficult. We may have been so attached to the cult family that we really don’t want to believe what has been right in front of us all along. It can be as emotionally charged as coming to the realization that my partner has been cheating on me with my best friend for years and I never saw it!
This is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. It’s painful and scary, yet necessary to be willing to look at the truth so we can see the lies that have entangled us. No one likes feeling as if they have been naive or taken advantage of by others. Another word for this is that we were conned.
The term “conman” comes from the phrase “confidence man” and refers to a person who is really skilled at getting people to believe them in order to gain their trust. Once they have won them over emotionally, they artfully convince them to hand over money, property, rights etc. A conman may be a woman and can also be called a grifter or scammer. They trick people into believing lies and they leave them holding an empty bag of unfulfilled promises.
Tell Tale Signs of a Conman:
They Act as if They are a Trusted Person with a History of Success. If anyone did a deep dive they would discover none of that is true! It is indeed an act well played to deceive people.
They Create Intense Urgency. This is manufactured to pressure people into doing exactly what they want quickly. The conman doesn’t want anyone to have time to think, they want action taken immediately so they can benefit. By the time anyone can process what happened, it’s too late.
They Use Fear. This creates an emotional hook to the one listening to the con. The use of an immediate psychological jolt causes people to feel that they are about to lose something if they don’t follow his lead, do what he says and do it now!
They Use Specific Demands. They want our allegiance, our money, our buy-in, our donation, our vote, our presence at their event, our commitment etc. If we do not obey, there will be hell to pay. Threats are not uncommon and are generally tailored to the crowd that the con has in his sites.
They Use Deflection. The conman may accuse other people of doing what he is doing in order to get the prey to look the other way. He wants them to focus on someone else’s behavior so they don’t realize what is really taking place.
Now that we realize the signs are there and we may have been pulled in unknowingly, what do we do next? We invite you to read or listen to our next blog titled: What’s Next .
Read Are You Caught in a Cult? Part 4 to learn more.
This information has been provided to help people who have been drawn into unhealthy controlling organizations. If you wish to learn more, or care to share your story to help others, please contact us at Glue Your Life Back to Better.com
Back to Better Blog is presented in partnership with BacktoBetter.com and Brilliant Beam Media.
